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About Literature / Hobbyist Rachel -- rawr (:Female/United States Groups :iconpromote-the-arts: Promote-the-Arts
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Deviant for 8 Years
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it's always seemingly just behind the cloak of my pride,
snagging and snatching at the fabric of my more
positive, barely functional, emotions--
its limbs are self consciousness.
it leaps towards my heroic symbol, crashing cymbals of
self-directed insults and abuse, waiting to
grasp the nape of my cape and choke me--
to evoke the anxiety, so crippling;
it soaks me.
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 1 0
Mature content
carnivore :iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 4 0
back before we knew what caged men were
we will never be as hopeful
as the birds are;
"mom, where's dad?"
"he's right upstairs sweetie,"
"no, actual dad, not the one who
wakes up every morning, and talks about
the war,"
the ground we stick to
is mucked by cries
for ends and beginnings
instead of, but seen as
what we perceive as "freedom"
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 2 6
she'll receive dark auburn hair as autumn leaves
A stroke of her fingertips
A sway of her subtle hips
But she’s got her eyes
On every one of you.
Scarred lips,
Once bitten, twice shy,
But to this woman scorned
Hell hath no fury.
Water sizzles on her skin
Though there is no sun to breathe in
She’s pale and ice cold
But inside she’s burning
Broken blood vessels linger in her mind
She’s got days to live but she’ll never seem to die
Just fade away into ash, a volcanic mouth that would never last,
Eyes like Egyptian gold, blackened with kohl.
Her palms infuse the skies with both hail and rain,
As her reign is one she must cling to
Or she will have to wait, lose and come back, consuming slowly
The civilization that tried to hold her back
But she is not that patient.
The denizens of her world see her as just an obstacle,
A Mother no one wants, and so
when the earth succumbs
She’ll simply hold her tongue.
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 4 0
The Fire Eater
i'm minimalist yet complex;
i can feel my wide hips rub against my spine when i shake them
and i know i'm not aligned but that's fine because of
my skeleton within. i can taste my bones,
and they're sweet as honey;
that's what he calls me.
but lets dip into the problems,
because that's what really defines me:
i've got self worth issues
the doctor's diagnosis like unrequited love
desired but never given,
perhaps needed but not received.
when it's direct
when someone's saying it to me
and i try, vainly
to respond--i crumple and cry
but when it's indirect
it's all in the gut--
nervous and tight.
anxious like stars who linger
on their loneliness and lack of light.
i bathe in the ashes of my self defeat,
my loathing like a harsh liquor i've never tried,
the heat in my veins and the ice in my eyes
reflecting back the nightmare lurking
just beyond my comprehension,
their stains are like grapevines in my periorbital circumference,
and i try to circumvent the sleep deprivation but
i'm a workaho
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 2 6
everything feels very far away, distant;
nothing makes sense, words blurtogether
double vision happens often because
your eyes scream for sleep,
but welcome to a corporate society where
a 9-to-5 is a blessing and with every achievement
you realize no one cares...
exhaustion. it beats against the walls of your ribcage
while your eyelids ache for atrophy
and your brain buzzes like bees are searching
for a soul full of honey but
your eyes are so empty
seconds are hours
but when you try to curl into covers for a coma,
or hide under blankets to become bones
just to die a little,
hours are seconds
i am betrothed
to sleep decay, a half-life of insomnia
one part narcosis and narcolepsy,
the other avid awareness,
i may appear to be a queen
but i am a slave--
ground into the earth,
i greedily kiss the dirt
the sunlight is no friend of mine,
the candy of night untouched by time but i can never taste its sweetness;
the harmonious bliss clawed away from the sleepless.
inside the dark
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 2 0
Envy by Necessity
Clothed in soft black,
Sinuous, writhing as it lurks in famine,
Swimming slowly in a dark world;
Blind in a way, deaf in a way,
But thirsty—
All it knows is desire
Sweltering underneath an envious fire,
Yearning for light, starving for sustenance,
Every part of him, every segment wanting,
Swallowing for survival,
And feeding—
He wants what you have
Because he does not have it; he’ll
Sneak up upon you, crawl up your skin,
Either invisible or convincingly disguised as a cure, or medicine
And once he starts to steal away everything he craves,
You’ll find numbness instead
Of pain—
Two weapons, one
On each end, like eyes at the back
Of one’s head, razor sharp and keenly searching,
For something you have that he will be removing;
A carrier of diseases, known far and wide, spread by his lips,
But the lovebite is as stealthy as the descent of night,
His kisses become sucking as he takes,
Leaving no trace, a thief
With a signature:
Although he
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 1 2
The Scent Of Survival Drives Them Wild
A delicate jawbone entices the masses,
While the rebellious rats search for something juicier;
Wanting a waist that’s thin but one that accompanies supple hips,
Red lips, red fingernails, and the rats look on hungrily,
While the masses are busy staring at high cheekbones,
Big, dark eyes, with appealing legs;
The rabble shakes with excitement.
Ferocious rats desire a firm rump, with a bust to match,
Both immense, both swaying with each step,
Their claws quiver with craving.
Dim lights with salty flesh, dipped in desire and doused in red,
Rats, rabbits and rodents alike long for their primal lust to be fed,
By a tail that’s long and clean, with whiskers trimmed and sweet,
Lips that are red with the blood of their prey, claws that are red with intent to stay,
Ears perky and well-tuned for sound, with a nose that prettily twitches,
The petite but endowed frame with soft downy fur,
She’s seductive even though she looks so saccharine,
And the strong, dominant rabble is s
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 1 0
Our Heart
A plump, curvy blossom dancing in its crimson-tinged winds,
Blooming within, its stems wrap and weave,
Waltzing underneath the sparking neurons in the trees.
Its seeds do not have a season, they merely flow
With each pound there is a new growth, inside the white fertility composing skeleton,
Threaded marrow like roots creating nutrients for the flower,
Fed by knowledge, nursed by compassion, initiating fluid yet flawed reactions,
Cradled in consciousness and heralded by hope,
It beats inside the seat of your ribs,
Patient always, traitorous never—
Flawless in constant innocence, seamless in its strength,
But these traits come from knowing the source of its mistakes;
The thorns it holds in a tender, sore grasp, the scars it savors from battles long past,
The blemishes upon its scarlet skin that begin inside,
It knows the faults, from which it cannot hide,
But through this cognizance,
The cherry bud breeds selfless blood, overcoming obstacles smiling,
While the endlessly greedy bec
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 0 0
Timid citizens line the black and white cobbled streets,
Crossing and zigzagging between haughty knights and righteous bishops,
While rooks are more polite, and assist the meek ones, almost like pawns,
As the king looks on, neither wrathful nor greedy,
Standing tall over his kingdom graciously.
But, there is one: a volatile queen,
Vicious, fickle, impulsive;
Impeding upon boundaries that are outlined for the other members in her sacred circle—
Murdering the enemies with her eyes, instead of intent, or action,
She burns through rules and ridicules those who are imprisoned
Yet she lets out a suffering lament once the evening calls upon this dark queen,
She is beautiful, illustrious, illuminate. But the pure woman, her rival,
The one whose skin speaks of softened snow and sanded sea glass,
The one whose crown is crafted of lilies and feathers rather than sharp iron, gilded with pitch
And reminiscent of a black border fence—does her own limitation lie in this very symbol of her
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 0 0
The girl I saw was pretty,
But not noticeably so—
She had flat gray eyes, that in some light
Could appear to be steely,
But she was not brave.
My pulse raced in my wrists;
Her pale skin on the verge of snowy white, but it was translucent,
Snatching away any and all appeal.
How I wish I could be as strong as she appeared to be,
Or as intelligent as she seemed, with her glasses quirkily perched on her nose.
For a second, I pretended she was boundlessly beautiful,
And I could see a glimpse of the fiery potential that lurked under her wintry presence,
I could see the success she’d be,
If only she believed.
But grounded in her metallic eyes was a sadness, and a lack of hope,
The motivation was not there,
To improve, to inspire, to excel or aspire,
The off-white tank top she wore hugging her tiny, unladylike body, all limbs, no curves,
But those could develop if she took care of herself a little more.
The ripped jeans she wore highlighted the cream of her knees,
Just barely hi
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 0 2
many miles to go before i sleep
in his arms ill never tire
or conspire
for more because i'm full-hearted
when there's another beating right behind me.
loyalty, there's a beautiful word,
captured in the moment like a photograph snapped,
only the shot's never developed
because it's printed in your soul
like a light shined
into a dog's eyes
it reflects back everything you know.
it's not forever, it's not eternity,
it's captured in the moment of 2 billion heartbeats,
sometimes they're ecstatic,
and sometimes they're slow, like how your eyes close,
savoring the sights before you must sleep.
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 2 0
Where is your weapon?
My words hiss out like knives
Sharp with wit, ready to thrive
And survive, and strive
On the waggle of the pen
The air I breathe in,
The dance of the tongue, the waltz of the lips,
Even the clatter of my teeth can create them if I so choose,
But they’re deadly, dangerous; they decimate, never repopulate,
Are forgiven but never quite forgotten,
Like an instinct rather than a memory—
“You’re dead to me,
I wish you never existed.”
The harshest of phrases spill, spit
Out of my mouth, the fleshy machine
Producing a sheen of hate, of malice
But they often never lurk in my languid mind;
My armory is locked, ready for crimes,
Don’t provoke me or try to choke me—
I won’t give you any time.
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 2 2
be true to yourself
slithering, snickering, smothering slyness
with a sickness that's only noticeable by the highest
otherwise it rots and festers like
a feverish dying delusional denizen
who inhaled when someone coughed.
infectious and contagious, never to be cured
how absurd--it decays inside of us.
radioactive, reactive and rapacious,
hungry for more and more never to be vanquished
how do we let this writhing, wailing, wolflike warden
ward off the prisoners residing in our wake--
what is this wordsmith wondering and warbling about?
aren't poets supposed to be coherent
without saying the
actual meaning behind us?
because it's behind us, you see
not the piece. we're trying to keep the peace,
while fighting off accusations about our artistic vision--
their words sharp over there, meant to hit us, here,
while they're not even sure of where
this vile meanness is coming from.
i'll tell you; it's the notion of nature
are we truly violent to our core?
the heart of the soldier, the power of the swo
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 1 2
Handcuffed by my own devices
worry chokes me like a carelessly woven noose--
yarn strangled in knots of red and black
bitten fingernails wear the string thin
making the lines it leaves behind
more deadly.
it's not around my neck, though--
that's not where my lifeblood
it's tied to my wrists
as it constricts my heart;
every exaggerated movement of my hands
to emphasize something unimportant
ties it tighter--
a clucking nervous tongue
like a fussy mother hen,
it chokes the throat that yearns
to speak again.
what else can i do but listen?
to forget that contracting sensation
i bury my head in the trivial sand
looking for water, salty, bitter, sweet;
other people fuel my needs.
this one feels lost, no purpose,
that one is abused, left behind like a carcass,
that the hyenas pick over
while their mocking laughter echos in the dry, cold desert night.
he's just like his father, and he doesn't want to be,
she's going to turn into her mother soon, nowhere to hide, or flee,
and then there's another boy who shuts him
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 0 5
the horizon was clawed by the sun
the dark emerald branches draped over the trunk
like a billowed gown--
noticing the dark snap of sticks underneath
and the damp crunch of oranged pine needles
as they stuck to my feet.
i am not the status quo;
emotional only to be beneficial,
a healer through and through,
i can't wake you up, but i won't let you
strangle your grip on life.
more perceptive than most, yes;
i noticed her saddened smirk.
i noticed the desperation in his touch.
i noticed that you weren't here today.
i noticed the extra makeup, darling, you can't hide from me.
i noticed the cute dark circles under your eyes, that while some
may think of an insomniac, tossing and turning desperately
i know you were just so happy you couldn't sleep--
it's evidenced by your smile.
there must be someone causing it.
as i loose and lose my thoughts
in this December chill,
as i must, and as i will,
in this November forest,
i listen to a silent chorus,
in this October loam,
my toes guide me forward
:iconfelka-wolf:Felka-wolf 1 7
Be warned! You are about to enter a bio hazardous zone!
:typerhappy: :D :typerhappy: :chew: :typerhappy: :stab: :typerhappy: :sarcasticclap: :typerhappy: :dance: :typerhappy::iconyayzplz:


Hannibal - Hannibal Lecter Dress Up Game by ekzotik Hannibal - Hannibal Lecter Dress Up Game :iconekzotik:ekzotik 1,598 120 Paw by Valhalrion Paw :iconvalhalrion:Valhalrion 310 13 SYAC - Growth by TomPreston SYAC - Growth :icontompreston:TomPreston 2,294 304
Updates, USA, and Commissions
Ok a couple of things. First, I still haven’t entirely finished my last batch of commissions (got 1 more left in the queue), but I can’t afford to put off taking new commissions ATM. So I will be opening up commissions again (information below). To the one lone commission I still had in the queue, you should’ve gotten an update from me so please check your e-mail to make sure.
Second, happy new year everyone. Didn’t say that last time so I’ll say it now. Hope you all had a good vacation!
Third, wow... I seem to have struck home a little bit on my latest SYAC. And unusually it’s not about the artwork this time. Despite people making claims to the contrary, the controversy surrounding the latest SYAC seems to stem entirely from the fact that I didn’t provide actual physical evidence of what I was talking about or even provide links.  And the very reason I didn’t has to do with not wanting to get accused of co
:icontompreston:TomPreston 10 406
Fisheye Placebo: Ch0 - Part 8 by yuumei Fisheye Placebo: Ch0 - Part 8 :iconyuumei:yuumei 12,930 1,841
Bowlesian Sonnet
-en if this paper in your hand was once
an Aspen, thick with sunny leaves; around
the base of wet and living wood, a ground
that reeks of life and death at once, then conc-
-entrate, and know at least in brief the grand
machine you sleep in, twitching fingers, won-
-dering just how one feels a texture, sun
lights warmth, bare prickled skin, bare feet in sand.
Oh this body. How I will tend to it
seventy-five or eighty. How I will
bend arthritic knees, by five windows, still,
the summers passing. Faithful friend! Now, bit
by bit, you close each window to its clasp.
This paper in your hand was once an Asp-
:iconbobibillius:Bobibillius 74 35
.... by KariLiimatainen .... :iconkariliimatainen:KariLiimatainen 182 7 6587 by KariLiimatainen 6587 :iconkariliimatainen:KariLiimatainen 2,069 84 Magazine Layout by Spleenfull1334 Magazine Layout :iconspleenfull1334:Spleenfull1334 1 0 Hit or Miss by Davenit Hit or Miss :icondavenit:Davenit 58 8 Snow by glowingkitten Snow :iconglowingkitten:glowingkitten 30 1 Leap by Skia Leap :iconskia:Skia 544 21 Audience by kris-wilson Audience :iconkris-wilson:kris-wilson 1,009 34 Beaker by kris-wilson Beaker :iconkris-wilson:kris-wilson 2,032 67 I'm sorry, Dave by Culpeo-Fox I'm sorry, Dave :iconculpeo-fox:Culpeo-Fox 806 67


I can't believe?? This account?? Still exists???
I'm definitely going to read through all my old poetry and cringe omg
*pain: noun 1. physical suffering or discomfort caused by illness or injury. she's in great pain mental suffering or distress. the pain of loss an annoying or tedious person or thing. she's a pain 2. careful effort; great care or trouble. she took pains to see that everyone ate well verb 1. cause mental or physical pain to. it pains me to say this.

quite the extensive definition, google. i applaud you.

quiz yay
1: Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.
I don't really have a favorite movie, but I can tell you about a time I watched one of my favorites. So, I was watching this movie called "Primal Fear" and at first I'm like dad, this can't possibly be a brilliant movie if I've never heard of it. but it had edward norton in it (and i love him) so me, mom, dad, and my bf gave it a shot. i was so engrossed, it should have been criminal. and the twist, oh, the twist. lovely. lovely movie, i was speechless at the end. and my bf got to stay late so i was happy. 
2: Talk about your first kiss.
me and some friends were at this awkward little school dance for valentine's day and i had liked this guy named wyatt, and so we went off into a corner and he kissed me, and kissed me more and started touching my hips and stuff, and awkwardly this administrator came over and told us to stop, that it wasn't "that kind of dance". it was awkward and we ended up dating, but he was a douchebag so ya know.
3: Talk about the person you've had the most intense romantic feelings for.
i can't even. like, person who wants me to talk about things, you don't even know. you cant even begin to understand the levels, the depths of compassion and love i have for this person. it pains me when they complain about me, i'm horribly jealous; this person has made me feel so happy and loved i can't bear the idea of losing them or even conceiving that i may possibly lose them. i'm quite a fearful person so it's a win-lose i guess but it's so goddamn worth it like you don't even.
4: Talk about the thing you regret most so far.
i usually either don't regret things or forget i'd have to say there's nothing i really regret.
5: Talk about the best birthday you've had.
My 16th birthday my parents took me and my friends to ocean city with me and it was wonderful and my bf and i walked and derped and penguined along the beach and it was great and the water was goddamn freezing but it's okay because i had a great time.
6: Talk about the worst birthday you've had.
inconceivable because they've all been pretty great.
7: Talk about your biggest insecurity.
not being good enough. this insecurity can wiggle and weave into every facet of my life.
8: Talk about the thing you are most proud of.
Hm. Probably managing college and high school at the same time. It's not easy but I'm so proud of myself for sticking with it.
9: Talk about little things on your body that you like the most.
a recent scar i received, my eyes, my hair WHEN IT'S WORKING, other than that i'm alright i suppose
10: Talk about the biggest fight you've ever had.
a screaming match with the bf. good GOD it felt good to get all that out. unfortunately it came with a price, as always.
11: Talk about the best dream you've ever had.
underwater dreams are pretty awesome.
12: Talk about the worst dream you've ever had.
Black widow bite. Scariest shit ever. or a lot of my creepier dreams
13: Talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.
it was so great
it was like an hour, too
so good
it's only gotten better
14: Talk about a vacation.
Man, one year I went to jamacia (however you spell it) and it was the awesomest shit. i went snorkeling, went jet skiing for the first time (which is totally the shit) had ice cream and free included meals, chilled at the pool, had fun alla time. 
15: Talk about the time you were most content in life.
Probably during sex this one time when I was also drinking sweet tea. wow. that was great.
16: Talk about the best party you've ever been to.
Best? man...diana's quince? idk. parties all blur together. OH I KNOW. MY GODDAMN HALLOWEEN PARTY.
17: Talk about someone you want to be friends with.
vsauce because yes
18: Talk about something that happened in elementary school.
I didn't know what constipated meant and i asked my fourth grade teacher. it was cringeworthy.
19: Talk about something that happened in middle school.
I used the word 'rape' a lot. it was like new word candy to me. and my friends t-bagged me a lot.
20: Talk about something that happened in high school.
god so, bitches be hoes, mkay? this one girl i know cheated on her bf over the course of a whole weekend, and this guy is super duper sweet, so they broke up then got back together and then broke up again because she apparently 'lost feelings for him'. i bet she just cheated again, what a bitch. do not like her. though the way the guy defends her pisses me off too. it's like bro, don't you understand she's a bad human for you? just stop
21: Talk about a time you had to turn someone down.
I can't recall exactly, it's more like an awkward "oh, i'm sorry, but i don't feel that way for you" it happened a lot.
22: Talk about your worst fear.
fear and insecurity are the same in this instance
23: Talk about a time someone turned you down.
24: Talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.
"You deserve to be happy" OH THE FEELS
25: Talk about an ex-best friend.
Well there's this girl named caitlyn. we were friends for 7 years. then we weren't. now we're friends again after 3 years. wow. it didn't seem like three years to me. me and her were estranged for three years. crazy. now we're just hang out buddies. but she's changed and grown a lot, i'm happy for her.
26: Talk about things you do when you're sick.
Depending on how sick, it's a scale of "suck it the fuck up" to "oh god let me die don't touch me or you'll be patient one, just love me from a distance while i throw up in this bowl and cry then eat crackers"
27: Talk about your favorite part of someone else's body.
28: Talk about your fetishes.
i have no fetishes, i have kinks. i'm assuming that's what you meant, so being dominated, some bdsm-y stuff
29: Talk about what turns you on.
the problem with me is that once i'm attracted to you JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING turns me on. ooh, you're concentrating on that videogame? yababy work it; ohh you're winking, or smiling, or laughing, or adjusting your belt? or smoothing back your hair? GUESS WHAT, IT'S SEXY.
30: Talk about what turns you off.
if i am sad i am not hornyplz. do not say someone else's name. i will hurt things. don't just stick your dry hand down my pants. please read my body, if i push you away respond to that, i have a hard time saying 'go away fuck you'. do not attempt to dive right for my pants. please seduce, not screw.
31: Talk about what you think death is like.
probably confusing and frightening for most people
32: Talk about a place you remember from your childhood.
eeeuhhh idk. i havent been many places in my childhood that im not at pretty often.
33: Talk about what you do when you are sad.
be withdrawn and antisocial
34: Talk about the worst physical pain you've endured.
getting anesthesia in my head it was not fun 
35: Talk about things you wish you could stop doing.
being awful and overbearing and frightened and worried ABOUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING
36: Talk about your guilty pleasures.
none because i'm not guilty about it ;D
37: Talk about someone you thought you were in love with.
uh this person that i was a total creep towards let's skip this question >.>
38: Talk about songs that remind you of certain people.
Kryptonite reminds me of the bf, so does I'm Yours and Lucky by Jason Mraz, and some other songs. there are probably hundreds more
39: Talk about things you wish you'd known earlier.
I don't really wish i'd known anything earlier because everything happening the way it did caused my current position, and i happen to like that position
40: Talk about the end of something in your life.
relying on my parents for housing, money, and directions on how to do things. this is terrifying.

bye everyone i'm tired feel free to message me for the wordplay
ily :heart:
  • Listening to: fb beeps
  • Playing: with your accounts
  • Drinking: ALWAYS in your desert drinkin your cactus juice.


Rachel -- rawr (:
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
“We are each our own devil and we make this world our hell.” - Unknown

"In war, truth is the first casualty." -Aeschylus

"And honor, the last." -Chris Learn

"I'm not running a race,
I'm running away
I'm running away..." Survive by Sick Puppies

Just cause some people like rock and metal, doesn't mean they're going to slice your throat out with a chainsaw...however I am one of those people. :P

If it's a crime to be me, then a criminal I shall be.

Innocence isn't the same as being naive.

"I'm Italian--we do things on impulse." -Midsummer Jersey

"It isn't the mountains ahead that wear you out, it's the grain of sand in your shoe." -Unknown.

If your eyes are constantly shrouded in light, then you will never see the beauty in the shadows.

"It's not the end that I fear with each breath, It's life that scares me to death." -Rise Against, "Rumors of my Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated."

Listen not to what people say about others, but form your own opinions, and pray you are not mistaken.

Fight fire with happiness, integrity, and politeness; it'll confuse 'em.

:iconlachoirplz: :iconsocuteplz: :iconlachoirplz:

Favourite genre of music: Metal/Rock
Operating System: Any computer I can get my hands on <3
MP3 player of choice: my phone + itouch
Catchphrase: "Even then" "So?" "Not cool" "Silly..."


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Destroyer77 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2017
Happy Birthday!

Destroyer77 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2016

Hope you're doing well
Destroyer77 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2015
Destroyer77 Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2014
Happy-Birthday by KmyGraphic
dreamsinstatic Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2013
Thanks for the :+fav:
(1 Reply)
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